I woke up way earlier than I wanted to. Around 9; I was feeling pretty sick. Me and dayton killed a whole bottle of schwartzhog (like cheaper jagermeister) in something like a couple hours. I don't really remember. I was fucked up all day yesterday. I went to my mom's and stole a bunch of vicodin... I should probably get stoned right now. I feel just awful. Gonna put in some pizza rolls.

Anyway, woke up at nine. Stood over the toilet for a few minutes, but didn't end up actually puking. Remembered that Loren gave me her keys to this place last night, so I went for a walk and picked up some gatorade and pizza rolls. I still feel too sick to smoke a cigarette.

Had those dreams again last night, about how I keep drinking water but I can't get hydrated, and then I tried gatorade and stuff like that but no matter what... you get the jist. This time it was probably just because I was actually dehydrated and very thirsty, but other times it just kind of freaks me out. It's a very uncomfortable dream.
I keep having dreams that I'm drunk in, too. Or otherwise fucked up. Maybe even my subconscious is having trouble remembering what sobriety is. I guess if you count pot, I am virtually never sober... that's crazy. I don't really count pot, but I guess it would count (as I'm sparking my bowl).

I'm not gonna lie, I think about dying a lot. But I would never actively try to die, I just don't try very hard not to. But, to quote the song "I get by with a little help from my friends". My friends are pretty fucking awesome, and I'm very grateful for their constant patience with me and my bullshit.

Haaa. The cat's baked.